Mansfield Karaoke
by HappyHufflepuff-RebelRavenclaw
Summary: Modern AU. Fanny and co. go to a bar and our prim heroine is dragged into karaoke night! With Edmund and Mary flaunting their relationship and Henry relentlessly flirting with her, wow will she survive the evening?


Henry ran up from the tail of the group to open to door for Fanny at The Box. Fanny, unflustered by this proceeded with her head down, trying to ignore Mary and Ed's flirting.

"What do you want to drink, Fanny?" Henry asked.

"Just a water is fine," she said.

"Oh, I love water! The way it just hydrates me, it makes my skin so soft, touch it, Fanny-"

"Henry, get me a sex on the beach okay?" said Mary.

"If you're going to order for us all, Henry, can you get me a Budweiser?" asked Ed.

While Fanny waited for her water, she noticed the badly sung Karaoke going on. Some drunk girl named Lydia needed her older sisters to get her off stage after another round of "California Gurls" was poorly performed.

Mary sidled up to Edmund, oh so seductively running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. "What do you say we do a song together, Ed? Stop being a youth pastor for an evening and cut loose a bit?"

"You know youth pastors have fun, right?"

"Fun doesn't include singing 'Veggie Tales' with a bunch of sticky eight year olds, Edmund."

Fanny frowned at her. She looooved Veggie Tales. But Edmund just laughed, he was so enamored with her.

Before they could make a move to the stage, however, they heard someone fumbling with the mic as it made noisy feedback. "Testing, testing," Henry spoke into the mic as it wailed. He had everyone's drinks in his hands, still. "Fanny Price….. I came up here to sing this song for you. Hey everyone, she's that brunette in the maxi skirt sitting over at that corner table. She's hot, right?" Fanny blushed at the attention. "This…. Expresses my feelings for YOU, Fanny! Thank you, everybody."

He began, not too pitchy with a few "oos" as EDM sounds beated to yet another Katy Perry song for the night. He stumbled through the Katy Perry section in a terrible falsetto that amused everyone present, but Henry really hit his rhythm in the rap section. Before it started he had to shout out again to Fanny that he was singing for her: "Her love is like a drug, I was tryna hit it and quit it, But lil mama so dope I messed around and got addicted!"

Fanny's forehead was planted firmly on the table at this point. The night couldn't get any worse when Henry came back but with a fruity drink he said some hot guy at the bar bought for her. Oh, and he was the hot guy.

Mary, completely oblivious to it all then volunteered herself and Ed to sing.

"But what will we sing, Mary? I hardly know any duets," Ed said.

"Oh, only the most classic song from one of the best films ever," Mary cooed.

They then gave an okay rendition of "I've had the time of my life." Fanny sat there the whole time wanting to cry because she was having the time of her life with Edmund before the Crawfords came to town. Henry ogled Fanny during the whole song.

When the song ended Mary and Ed were greeted with applause from the whole bar.

"We weren't that good," said Ed.

"Well maybe you weren't but I was amazing. Why else would they applause," Mary teased.

When they returned to the table all the company seemed cheerful and pleased at their performance, except Fanny, who was withdrawn as usual. Edmund felt bad for her. "Fanny, you ought to sing a song! You deserve to have some fun!" Fanny knew he was trying to help but there was no way in heck she was going up on that stage.

The chorus of voices only grew louder though. "Fanny, come on, I bet you're an amazing singer," Henry added. Maria and Julia started giggling and offering Henry to sing for her instead, but for the opportunity to see Fanny squirm, they pushed her too as well, but Fanny refused, and looked like she was about to hide under the table.

Tom had been sitting in the corner of the booth texting all evening and contributing little to the conversation, until, alas! He shoved his iPhone in Fanny's face. "Aunt Norris says not to be a party pooper, Fanny." He had a devilish smirk. "If you refuse, she might just have to come down to the bar and force you."

The thought of Mrs. Norris at a college bar was revolting, and Fanny had little courage to face her pushy aunt.

After being pushed through the drunk crowd, Fanny found herself on the stage, ready melt into the floor.

"What are you gonna sing?" asked the DJ.

"I don't know," Fanny cried.

"I got you cousin! Henry will be impressed," Tom yelled before whispering in the DJ's ear.

The pop country twang started blaring out of the speakers. Fanny mumbled the words "let's go girls" before she realized it was Shania Twain. Everyone in the crowd felt the awkwardness on stage except for Lydia, who kept yelling to anyone who would listen that that was her jam. Her cousins, except for Ed, laughed maniacally as she blushed while quietly saying "Man, I feel like a woman." Henry was into it.

Fanny started to cry when she got off the stage and started walking to the bathroom. Henry stopped her before she could go anywhere.

"Fanny you were amazing! It's, like, by refusing to perform the way the original singer goes, you show you can be a woman by not being as daring."

"That doesn't make any sense," said Fanny.

"Well, you make sense, Fanny, and so everything you do makes sense. And what makes even more sense is you and me!" Henry started to lean in. Fanny stepped out of the way at the last minute as she realized what was happening, and he fell on his face, off balance.

"What on Earth, Fanny! Can't you tell that Henry cares about you? All night he has been giving you drinks, encouraging you, and thinks you are of model virtue!" cried Edmund.

"Yeah, what's _wrong_ with you, Fanny?" Maria complained. Julia added, "Boo you whore!"

Fanny couldn't take her family and tried to run out of the crowded bar. Unfortunately, she bumped into some awkward guy who ended up spilling his cosmo all over her white long sleeved shirt.

"I am so sorry my dear girl, all over your most excellent attire, that even my esteemed benefactor, Dr. Catherine de Bourg, might wear on one of her casual Fridays. You know, she often observes to me, that drink and crowds do not always befit the serious scholar..." he began.

"Oh, shut up, Collins, you're embarrassing us all," Lydia yelled across from the bar

"Okay, it's probably time to go home. Fanny and Mary come with me." Ed interrupted.

Maria and Julia decided to stay with Tom and Uber home later. Tom was too busy dancing Lydia's slightly older, but equally drunk sister to notice.

Fanny felt some solace as she stepped into the parking lot with Ed.

"Oh Fanny, I am sorry for what you have been put through tonight, it was very rude for us all to assume you should have sung."

This warmed her up inside.

"But since you didnt drink tonight and I'm a little buzzed, can you drive us back? I want to be in back with Mary. Henry can sit shotgun."

This cooled her right back down.

"You know, tonight was really fun," Mary said. "I enjoyed all the singing."

"Well I had the time of my life," Ed winked.

Mary laughed way too hard at the pun.

"Wow, you're so cheesy. Do the teens like that kind of humour?"

Fanny caught Ed's sheepish grin in the mirror.

"By the way, Henry, I met a bigger douche than you tonight," Mary said.

"Yeah? Well he must have a lot to measure up to. What's his name?" asked Henry.

"Called himself will. oh .bee, like a half rate rapper or something. Fanny can you pay a little more attention to the road? You nearly missed a turn" Mary said.

"Oh, her driving is perfectly fine. Do you like designated driving, Fanny? You're so talented at it, I wish I could be one," Henry said.

"Not really," she said.

"You're right, it really is annoying. Gosh, everyone getting smashed and you have to deal with them acting like idiots. It's the worst."

"Yes, it is," Fanny replied dryly.

After begging her to pull over so they could carbo-load, they made her go to Taco Bell and they had Dorito Locos Tacos at 2 A.M. while Fanny drank more water and judged them the whole time. The End.


End file.
